So today I was at Barnes & Noble and I found a book called The Asperger's Answer Book. Actually my mom found it. :) Anyway, as we began to read through it the realization of my son's disorder began to overtake me.
At first glance he seems like a normal, healthy, average seven year old boy. When one begins to talk to him they start to realize that there is something not "normal" about him. Many people think it is me, my parenting style, lack of discipline. The truth is I have tried everything. The harder I was on him the worse his behavior became. The biggest indicator to me that something was wrong was the fact that no matter what the consequence would be he would still display the behavior, and then be completely shocked that he received the consequence...just to repeat the behavior again the next day. I finally took him to a psychologist where he was diagnosed with Asperger's Disorder.
Back to the book store. I guess I just started to feel sorry for myself and for my son. Why couldn't he just be "normal"? Why do I have to continually reteach behaviors that seem to come naturally to so many kids? Pity party for one, please. My mom was there to remind me that as things go I am very blessed to have a healthy child. And while he is not the most "normal" child he still will be able to lead a somewhat "normal" life. I know she is right. There is just something about reading it on paper, about common behaviors shared with children that have this, and realizing that this isn't something that will just go away.
The part of the book I was reading was about truth-bound thinking. That is when they tell the truth, to anybody and everybody, without any concept of how the truth may hurt the person they are telling. To them the truth is simply that, and if it is the truth it shouldn't hurt. Just yesterday we had an encounter, one of many that makes me want to run and hide under the nearest table. We met a girl who my husband works with. She had her hair teased up pretty high. It was cute on her and the style many wear now. Well my son walked up to her and boldly said to her, "You need to get a haircut!" She looked a bit shocked and said, "Why, do you not like it?" He said, "Not that much...you just have too much hair." This is mild compared to some of the other situations I have been in, but still. My husband and I had to apologize and yet again explain to him why we can't just tell people exactly what is on our minds...though in retrospect I think I have met quite a few people with this same issue! :) To some this may seem like a normal behavior kids display, and it is in 3-5 year old's. The problem is mine is 7 and improvement is slim.
A couple of months ago we were at Panda Express. My son sat at a table next to the line while I went through to get the food. He got up from the table to ask me a question. I told him that he better go sit down or someone would take his seat. He thought it would be fine because he could see the seat and it was still empty. Well sure enough a man came along and sat in his seat. I said to my son, "I told you so". With that my son marched himself over to this man with tattoos up and down his arms, in all black and still wearing sunglasses inside the restaurant, and boldly said, "This is my seat. You took it!" The man said, "You weren't here. You have to find another seat." "But I was sitting there and you took it. This is the table for my family." "Too bad kid. Find another table." Meanwhile I am in line flailing my arms, telling him to stay quiet and just take another seat. So my son sat at the table right next to the man. He then stares at him, looks at me, and says quite loudly, "He is not very nice!" shhhhhhhh.... Then he looked directly at the man and stated loudly, "You are not very nice!" Oye! He gets me into so much trouble!
Anyway, I am looking forward to reading this book. It has a lot of great information in it on how to deal with various situations, and how to slowly but surely help your child become more successful in social situations. I love my son, and as long as I can see the brighter side of these situations the road will be an easier one! :)
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